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Monday, January 26, 2004
BORED
You know you are bored when you are sitting at the office or classroom and playing the "who among my coworkers would I eat if there was a catastrophe and we were trapped in the building?" game. Like maybe Fred over in customer service because he is in really good shape but not too muscular. Then you get really bored and start asking others whom they would eat. And there is always that one guy from accounting who no one likes and who always eats alone at lunch. And he always has an immediate answer like he has spent way too much thought on it already.
BORED II
Perhaps not as bad as when you are sitting around with your guy friends thinking up the names you would use if you made porn. Then you get bored and all of you are making up the names you would use if you made gay porn.
story by Mr. Richard Handler
Monday, January 19, 2004
Here is me outside the House of Ninja(!?!) Restaurant. What the hell?
Sunday, January 18, 2004
BASED ON THE STORY BY PHILLIP K. DICK
Self-parking Prius
A $2,200 add-on to the new Toyota Prius hybrid car allows the car to parallel-park itself, using a sensor array.
A dashboard display shows the image taken by the camera. When you near a parking space and shift into reverse, computerized lines pop up on the display, along with arrows pointing up, down, left and right.
Using the arrows, you move the lines around until they define exactly where you want the car to be parked. Then you push the "set" button on the display.
Keep your foot lightly on the brake pedal, and the car will start backing up, the steering wheel responding to an invisible hand. Voila, the car will park itself in the spot you've chosen with the arrows.
This guy painted his Honda Civic to look like a Star Wars "H-wing". That's kinda gay.
I am just kidding, it is totally gay!
ALL RIGHT, MOUSTACHES!
NEW DELHI (Reuters) - Police in northern India are being paid an extra 65 cents a month to grow a mustache to give them more authority, a newspaper reported on Tuesday. Mayank Jain, a superintendent with the Madhya Pradesh state police, told The Asian Age that research showed that police with mustaches were taken more seriously. However, he added, the shape and style of police mustaches would be monitored to ensure they did not take on a mean look.
Let's hear it for Team Moustache! How would you like to be pulled over by a cop with a moustache co-designed by Dr. Seuse?
Wednesday, January 14, 2004
(this was originally published in Salmon Bosch vol.1#11)
MY ENCOUNTER WITH AN ASTRONAUT
I was sitting at a local Carrows having lunch not too long ago when a very odd thing happened. I swear, Dan Cooper, the fourth man on the moon, came in and sat down.
The waitress came over to take his order. The odd part is what happened next: in an extremely loud and boisterous voice, he demanded that she bring him a burnt grilled cheese sandwich. He began to shout with a voice that belied his sparse frame, about how he wanted a burnt grilled cheese sandwich, about how he was Dan Cooper, the fourth man on the moon, so she had better do as he says.
I was sitting and staring as this occurred mere feet from my table. I was so surprised that Dan Cooper, a celebrated American hero, would act without manners like that. If it really was Dan Cooper.
I mean, I couldn't really tell, with his astronaut helmet on and dark protective visor pulled low over his face as he ranted.
Just as suddenly as his tirade about overcooked lunch items started, he quieted down and smartly stood straight up. He quickly undressed down to his Hanes under shorts, space helmet, and a pair of leather English riding boots. He began to gallop around the room, in and out of the tables, from booth to booth.
As he paraded before me, his wrinkled, liver-spotted skin dancing with his body's rhythm, he began to shout, "I'm an astronaut! They all want me!"
He must have noticed that the waitress was no longer around (a usual occurrence in Carrows) as did I. We both surmised she must be phoning the authorities. He screamed that they were after him and ran for the door.
"Gerald Ford shakes hands like a girl!" I heard him proclaim as he ran down the street. I quickly paid up my tab and beat a hasty retreat.
Monday, January 12, 2004
(this was originally published in Salmon Bosch vol.1#8)
CAREER PROFILES TODAY
Hello, this is Kent McClackerson for "Profiles Today" and we're going to meet the man in the street. Oh, Here we go. Excuse me, sir. Kent McClackerson here. Could you tell our listening audience your name and your profession?"
"Dan. Dan the rabble rouser."
"Um...rabble rouser?"
"That's right. I harangue the multitudes into a frenzy over some aspect of life, society, or the government that they don't like. You know, like taxes, the death penalty, legalizing hash..."
"I see...So you go around motivating people?"
"OH, it's much more than that! I get people downright activated! Remember the L.A. riots?"
"Yes."
"A friend of mine arranged that! Nice piece of work, don't you think?"
"Are you telling me that you are a muckraker? That you..."
"Ah, a rabble rouser."
"Yes. That you egg people on into acts of violence?"
"Violent acts? Well, let's just say that some of us got it and some of us don't. A riot is the ultimate success of a rabble rouser. But it's not all fun. I mean, an amateur has to spend years before he is good enough to turn pro."
"Years? No kidding?"
"Do you know how much time I spend every day practicing? Hours!"
"Could you show us some of your handiwork? What would you do if there were a crowd?"
"O.K. Check this out. THE GOVERNMENT IS TRYING TO MAKE FOOLS OUT OF US...SOMEBODY GET A ROPE...THERE HE IS, GET 'IM!"
"Hmmmm, very Impressive. Tell us, how did this whole thing start?"
"Oh, there have always been rabble rousers. As long as there have been discontent crowds there have been rabble rousers. Just look at the French Revolution, Mexican Independence, and Tienemen Square. O.K. That last one was a bad example. But who do you think talked Henry VIII into starting the Church of England? Oh yes! Rabble rousers have been very influential in shaping the history of the world we live in. I for one am extremely proud to be a rabble rouser."
"And there you have it, ladies and gentlemen. This has been Kent McClackerson for "Profiles Today"."
Saturday, January 10, 2004
I know this has been done to death but I had to take a swipe at it.
 
Tuesday, January 06, 2004
 cool antique store. cooler email address.
Friday, January 02, 2004
LEE BERMEJO INTERVIEW
LAS VEGAS EXTROSION SHOW 2003
 Robert W. Zailo: How long have you been working in comics and what was the first company you worked for?
Lee Bermejo: I have worked in comics for six years and Wildstorm. First and last company.
RWZ: You just got a new gig working as Wildstorm's in house artist.
LB: I have been working as an in house Wildstorm artist for six years.
RWZ: Do you like that better than if you were freelancing?
LB: I am not sure. I've never really experienced life as a freelancer. I've thought about it. I am sure
there would be differences, and I am sure I would like parts of being a freelancer better than being a staff artist. And I am sure there would be other stuff I wouldn't like.
RWZ: Do you think it would give you more choices over what you work on?
LB: Luckily I have a lot of choice. I never have to do anything that I don't want to do. But ob-
viously I can't do work for Marvel. It's kind of like an exclusive deal. So you can pretty much do
work for DC and that's it So that would be the major benefit.
RWZ: Doing work for DC is nothing to sneeze at.
LB: It's great working for DC.
RWZ: What made you decide to get into comics?
LB: Love of comics, love of film, storytelling and of course art! More than anything I want to be able to make a living doing art. And comics are great for that.
RWZ: Have you been drawing your whole life or did it come to you at a later date?
LB: I have been drawing my whole life. Before I could really even talk. My mom always tells the story of how they would give me crayons or a pen at three years old and I would draw all the time.
RWZ: But that is kind of to be expected. Every kid I have ever known draws. It's when they reach that age
of when they start getting frustrated with their drawings and they either quit or find a way to get over it. Were you one of those who never gave up on it and kept going?
LB: I just had to draw. It was a compulsion, I had to draw. Quitting or giving up was never a consideration. It was something I had to do and I love doing it.
RWZ: It sounds like you are pretty happy at Wildstorm. Do you have any plans? Do you want to be doing something different in five years? Somewhere different in five years?
LB: Yeah. I can't stay there forever. I have got to eventually go off and experience the life of a freelancer. Or whatever. Just so you don't get so associated with one company or a certain set of characters. Obviously I would like to do some work for films, stuff like that.
RWZ: That actually leads into my next question. Could you see yourself doing things artistically or creatively in a different medium, in a different industry?
LB: Oh yeah. I would love to do production design work, storyboarding. There's a lot of stuff I'd like to do. I would like to take some time and learn to paint. And do that kind of stuff. There are a lot of different options, and avenues to explore.
RWZ: What do you think about the state of the industry now? It obviously has changed in the last seven years as well as in the last two to three years.
LB: Yeah!
RWZ: What do you predict for the industry as a whole?
LB: I'm excited by comics right now. I really am. I think that it is exciting that we are witnessing so many comic book properties getting made into movies. Good or bad it's nice that people are starting to be interested in what we have been enjoying for so long, comic books. And now it is being brought to a wider audience with successes like Spider-Man and X-Men.
RWZ: Don't you think that is a bit of a double-edged sword because people will say comics are not legitimate literature unless they have been made into a movie or TV series? The screen brings it to a wider audience but only then does it gain validity?
LB: I think that is judging. Though the one thing I have noticed, from when Ale [Garza] and I were in high school, being into comics was cool. I have talked about this with Jim Lee before. I think there is definitely a changing perception about comic books in general. Obviously there is still that stigma, but I think people are starting to appreciate comics as, not literature, but as something kind of unique and cool as opposed to being "Oh, that's just comics!".
RWZ: How do you view comics? Art? Literature?
LB: I consider them a little bit of everything. It's definitely commercial art because you are doing a job to please an audience. Actually it pleases you and that's a big part of it. But at the end of the day they're periodicals and they come out so that people can buy them. But at the same time, comics can have a huge effect on people. I think that qualifies as literature as well. They are just another means of telling a story. They can effect people in positive or negative ways. Obviously there is a power to them.
RWZ: Where would you like to see the industry in five years? If you could make an industry wide change with the push of a button what would you like to see changed?
LB: I tell you, I would really like to see a market shift from monthly comics to more of a European type schedule. With nicer production values, nicer printing. It's a little different approach over there. I think they have it right in a lot of ways. Their comic books are considered art. I think more than here. Because here comic books are so disposable. In Europe where they produce these hardcover albums that are almost to be put on the coffee table category.
RWZ: We do view art very differently than Europe and other parts of the world. People in Europe have always, going back to the middle ages, viewed art and artist differently than we do.
LB: Oh yeah. America is a country born of frontiersmen. That is why the American workweek and daily work schedule is so much longer than the European. Because, I think as a society Americans are raised to work hard. And there are certain types of work that are considered legitimate in America and other kinds aren't so much. Just because of the nature of how this country came to be.
RWZ: Do you think people think being an artist is not a "real job"?
LB: I definitely think that.
RWZ: You must have run into this at some point in you life?
LB: Oh definitely. My dad doesn't think comic are any kind of a useful business. He doesn't understand comics. I love my dad.
RWZ: When you see him does he ask you if you have gotten a real job yet?
LB: No. No. He'll ask questions. He'll ask how is work going. But when it comes down to it, he'd much rather me do [something else].
RWZ: He suffers under the misconception that you need to get out and do something valid?
LB: I think he thinks of this as being a kind of phase or something like that. Like "oh, he likes comics, still". He [father] liked comic when he was a kid.
RWZ: That seems to be conventional wisdom. That you have to outgrow comics. And within comics there is the idea that you have to outgrow superheroes.
LB: Yes.
RWZ: On that note, what do you feel about being known somewhat primarily as a superhero artist?
LB: I am a superhero artist.
RWZ: Especially now when there seems to be so many, for lack of a better term, "indies" coming out with a host of genres other than superheroes? Mystery, slice-of-life, etc? Would you like to try your hand at such material?
LB: I started, doing that stuff. I started with a mini-comic a while back. And that is how I got started. And that was definitely a slice-of-life book. And I was always into superheroes at the same time. I like anything that tells a good story. Superheroes, that's cool. If not, that's cool too. Whatever it takes. Any story that I can get into, I can appreciate, pretty much regardless of subject matter.
RWZ: I really appreciate your time. Is there anything else you would like to add?
LB: No, I don't think so.
RWZ: Thank you very much.
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