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Saturday, February 28, 2004
Here ya go! A cartoon. Since art is my idiom expect more cartoons in the future.
Friday, February 20, 2004
 
Was Doug Wildey a plagarising old coot or a talented artist who made a tribute to
a talented actor who passed too early?
YOU MAKE THE CALL!!
Thursday, February 19, 2004
This is a real guy who runs a real convenience store in Georgia.
I don't even have a funny caption for this. Some people are just
awful.
Wednesday, February 11, 2004
THESE ARE A FEW OF THE THINGS THAT I HATE (just like that old song)
Television. Broadcast TV is the worst. I don't get to watch a lot of television but when I do I understand why Elvis liked to shoot his all the time. To paraphrase Marx, television is the opiate of the masses. Perhaps the only thing worse than actual TV is TV Guide. I recently had the misfortune to peruse a friend's copy looking for something. Oh my God! What a pretentious, self-congratulatory piece of crap! If that is not bad enough, they don't even list daytime programming for during the week. They just say Monday through Friday "various programs". Doesn't this obviate the actual use of a guide, knowing what is going to come on? That is like a weatherman telling me that there will be weather in the next few days.
On a similar note: desk calculators that round off. What in the name of God's green hell is the use of a calculator that rounds off numbers? That is not even a calculator! It is an estimator! If I have a math problem big enough to need a calculator I will want to be able to see all the tenths past the decimal.
Saturday, February 07, 2004
WHAT DREAMS MAY COME
The next day everybody always says, "I had the weirdest dream last night".
Duh! Have you ever had a dream that wasn't weird? Even the boring ones where you are watching yourself do something simple like laundry, the washing machine is always in a different part of the house. Or the house is a combination of where you live now and where you used to live. ALL DREAMS ARE WEIRD! I don't think you really need to preface it by saying it was weird. Some are just weirder than others. You should say "especially weird", or "surreal", maybe.
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I HATE STREET RACERS
1. Street racers are assholes.
2. Street racers are assholes all the time. Not just when they are
racing but they are assholes all the time. When they are driving
to work or school or just to the store to buy one thing. They
drive like assholes all the time!
3. Street racers are assholes even when they are not racing.
Even when they are not driving, leaning up against their ugly
monstrosities looking "cool".
4. It was bad enough when they used to just look for a place away
from the cops to race. They don't even do that any more. They
have to put the rest of society at risk by streaking up and down
our streets at all hours of the day and night.
5. They play the shittiest music. Loudly.
6. They have some bizarre need to modify (mismodify?) their crappy
Civics with all kinds of extra crap to make it even more crappier.
Way to go Zippy. Good thing you got those cool ass rims because
Lord knows the old ones just weren't doing the job. And a spoiler.
Whoo Hoo! Wait, when was the last time you have heard of a Honda
being in danger of leaving the ground? And double spoilers! What
the hell?
7. And the fashions. Have you seen these guys? They want to stand
in front of their four cylinder pieces of shit Honda with a fur jacket,
some diamond rings and gold chains. Right on Dude! Throw in
a bouquet of roses and you've just completed any secretary's dream.
This is what they used to give Miss America isn't it?
8. What's with that sideways slouch thing? Anytime you come up
behind a car and it looks like the driver is sitting in the middle of the
car seat it has to be a asshole street racer. It looks like they are
leaning on their elbow reading a book.
9. And they kill people. People presumably just trying to get somewhere.
But no, some asshole with a tachometer has to pass in the oncoming
lane to win a "race".
10. When they do kill themselves and you read or hear about it from the
news it always starts out with "A tragedy struck today when [insert male
asian name here] died after leaving [insert name of one-lane winding
road here] in his [insert Honda Civic, Acura, CRX, etc.here] and
skidded nine hundred feet before crashing into [insert tree,
retaining wall, telephone pole, etc. here]. Right. Define tragedy
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