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Friday, April 23, 2004
Friday, April 16, 2004
GAS PRICES
I am sure everybody has experiencd them by now, but what the heck is the deal with gas prices lately? I mean I don't get it. They say the war in the Middle East was not about oil but give me a break. We went into Afghanistan and kicked everybody's butt. Broke the back of the Taliban. We actually won the war in Iraq. Not that you could tell by the post war body count. But still I have been paying well over two dollars a gallon at the pump.
Isn't that the whole point of winning the war? So that we get the good prices and the enemy has to pay outrageously bad prices. I mean, that's how war traditionally worked, right? Our side wins and the other guys get the royal screw job. I don't mean since WWII, I mean really traditionally. Biblically. Man they went in and defeated their enemies and then wreaked havoc with both their social structures (e.g. slavery) as well as their economies (e.g. slavery). Even up to the middle ages there were always some small war or battle going on. One army showed up and declared war and fought an opposing side. Whoever won got to do what they thought best with the remainder of their foes (see previous parentheses). Every contiguous country on every map you have ever seen was defined not by mountains not by rivers but by war. If a country is bordered by a mountain range or river it is only because somebody else decided it was too hard to go over and fight the guys on the other side.
This is America, revolutions not withstanding, the paragon of Anglo-Saxon values. That is what we do. Go that way meet new people, beat them and take their stuff. The entire history of Western Europe is a grand tapestry of white people moving in a westward motion, encountering indigeneous peoples and overtaking their land, property, livestock etc. It's what were good at. Look all I am saying is if I have to pay $2.50 for a gallon of gas why haven't we invaded Syria?
Monday, April 12, 2004
DROGAS, POR QUE?
I know I can keep kids off drugs. I know I can. What you have to do is to get to them when they are young and impressionable. They already do this, they just don't do it as well as I would. When you are in junior high school there is always the assembly where all students gather to hear the sergeant from the local narcotics squad come and speak.
He always talks about how drugs are bad for you and will make you sick and how you shouldn't do them and how no one will like you if you do drugs, etc, etc. The kids aren't listening. The ones who aren't paying attention in an assembly are exactly the ones who are going to experiment with drugs.
What I would do is come out as the sergeant from the local narcotics squad and give the same speech about how drugs are bad for you, make you sick, etc. Then I would bring out from back stage a real junkie. I would let the audience quiet down and let them realize there is some guy on stage and there is something different about him. I would then produce a hypodermic needle filled with dope and a length of rubber tubing from my jacket pocket. I would toss the items on the floor at the feet of the junkie and say, "Knock yourself out , Slappy".
At that point I am sure all eyes would be riveted on the junkie as he shoots up, pukes, shits himself and falls into a fetal position shaking and mewling in his own filth.
"So remember kids, don't do drugs! Thank you" and I walk off stage.
AND IF THAT DOESN'T WORK
then what you have to do is get to them even younger. Start having assemblies in grade school. Instead of bringing out a real life demonstration of drug use just give the standard speech about drugs, sick , no friends, etc. Then segue into a little tidbit about how if you do drugs there is a chemical in your body that never goes away. And how the police have a very special bullet that can find anybody with this chemical in their body. And how someday soon the police are going to go up on the roof of the police station and fire all these bullets up into the air and let them find all the people who do drugs.
The kids will turn to one another and announce their disbelief. "That's not true. That's a lie. They don't have a bullet that can do that......But I'm not gonna do drugs just in case." And for the rest of their life they would have a subconscious fear of getting high.
Wednesday, April 07, 2004
WRITER/ ARTIST DAY AT MILE HIGH
Attended the writer/artist day at Mile High Comics in Garden Grove the other weekend. This show was sort of a dud with one outstanding exception.
My girlfriend once again braved the shores of abject boredom to accompany me into geekdom. She gets to sit at a table with me and watch people wander up and ask who I am and then wander off. This show had a rather poor turnout of fans. I wound up talking to almost all the other artist hanging out there. A good number of them I knew already. I then came back to my table and commenced sketching.
After over an hour of this Sally and I started getting a little bored. Then she realizes that we are in Mile High Comics and neither of us are members of the mile high club. She suggests we excuse ourselves, get someone to watch my stuff and go to the facilities and initiate ourselves into the mile high comics store club. After a few seconds I agree and we proceed.
We are in there about ten minutes before someone is knocking at the door. I ask them to come back later in my most normal breathing sounding voice. About another five minutes later, the manager is banging on the door and demanding that we come out.
My girlfriend and I get dressed as quickly as we possibly can and try to look innocent as we sheepishly file out of the bathroom.
The female manager is loudly berating us as to our behavior and how this is a place of business and how people have to use this bathroom, etc.
We slink back to our table and sit under the curious stares of all the other attendees. Luckily we weren't placed right next to anyone I knew very well. We could hear the hushed talking going on around us. As if we were all back in school and someone got busted by the teacher and everyone in the room was asking what were they in trouble for. The manager was over by the register and glaring at us, just livid.
A few minutes of this goes by and the manager marches right over to us and says that we have to leave. So we pack up our stuff and bug out. In the car as we are pulling out of the parking lot we start busting up laughing.
Monday, April 05, 2004
Friday, April 02, 2004
Thursday, April 01, 2004
THE GREATEST CIVIL WAR MOVIE EVER MADE
Jeffry Lyons gives it...one hundred stars!!
Let's just make it illegal to call every movie "smart and sexy", shall we?
Movies are neither smart nor sexy. They can be smartly written and can make you think about having sex. But enough already!!
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